I Thought of You Today

I only allow myself to think about you on this day. 
The constant thought of you the other 364 days is too much. 

Your crooked smile.
Your giggles. 
Your poofy hair combed into one bun on the top of your perfect little head. 
The pink bows. 
The ruffles. 
The black patent leather shoes. 
The tutus and matching tights for all those recitals. 
Your face. 
Your sweet angel face. 
The one I see in my dreams and in my tears. 

That face. 
My little angel's face. 
Oh, how I long to kiss that face! 

Today, I see you in every little girl who grabs her mom's hand. Or the girl chasing the butterfly. Or the one blowing kisses to her daddy. 

I've seen you all day today because this is the one day I allow myself to remember what you could have been; what we could have shared; and how our lives would have changed. 

But you left me today as quickly as you came. 
My prayers couldn't save you. 
My tears didn't bring you back. 
My hopes didn't manifest themselves into you being in my arms. 

I shall never know how a  daughter that I never held had such a hold on my heart. 

I love you, my angel baby girl. I shall hold you one day in heaven. 

And, I promise I won't let go. 

In honor of my miscarried baby girl 
August 20, 2007